Passive Pencil Drawings
by Careful Gaze
This is another song we basically had a first draft of when I Understand released. We originally had two key changes, so three keys in this song total, but we reigned it in to just one key change / two total keys. This song didn’t initially stick out to me in the writing and recording process but it has gradually become one of my favorite songs on the album.
This song explores themes of belief and faith relating to the loss of loved ones. When I was young I watched my grandmother pass away, and being the introverted / shy child that I was I tried not to show emotion during this time. I had been at my friend’s house that weekend watching Van Helsing so I sat in the room with my family and practiced my drawing instead of being present in those moments.
Though that was a coping skill for me, I wish I had been able to be more of a support for my parents as well as for her. I unfortunately had another opportunity to cope with this type of situation when my mother-in-law passed away. I was present for that as well and attempted to be a better emotional support for those around me since I was old enough to know how not to be a douche.
When you see things like this, it creates unrest in your soul. It goes deeper than just a simple “life’s not fair” when something like that happens twice. Because of this, you have to be open to change and shifts in how you believe and perceive things. Otherwise you will just settle for mediocrity and won’t be living your best life.
I’ve been questions for being quiet, I’ve been questioned for having some unrest when it comes to Spiritual beliefs. This song is an “I’m OK, but I’m processing” song.
I wrote it to keep the memories of my grandmother and mother-in-law alive. Passive Pencil Drawings is for them, and exists because I didn’t know how to say goodbye.