by Careful Gaze
I wrote this one on an unplugged PRS electric guitar. It initially had a pretty singer-songwriter vibe to it, but once we jammed it full band I knew we needed to take it in a louder direction. We started playing this one live often once we got Jason as our new drummer and it went over so well we decided to make it the single.
This song is about being honest in regards to your mental health status. There is so much stigma around just admitting that you are mentally unwell. It doesn’t mean that you are just craving attention, and it does not mean that you are week. It also doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in need of psychiatric treatment every time you are feeling that way.
Some days are just bad days.
This song reflects on a time in my life that I was very depressed. Arcade Fire played a very big part in my high school years and the years shortly after. I used to drive home from friends / significant others houses on dark highways blasting Funeral and Neon Bible.
I grew up with a good home life and exceptional parents, however being an only child and also introverted left me often feeling lonely. I also struggled a great deal with my self image, and that combined with some bad relationship choices in my teen years led me into some deep depression. Around this time also, I ended up sideways on the highway when an animal ran out in front of me. I was driving a minivan at the time with my drums in the back, which flew around everywhere. I came to a stop, composed myself, and moved on. That’s a solid metaphor for my life, and that’s why the song is titled accordingly.
I found myself thinking about suicide on my darkest days. I didn’t tell people on the time. The scariest part was verbalizing it to myself, and that was a wake-up moment for me.
Through the support of loved ones, getting more involved in a music scene and truly realizing my love for performing, and also committing to getting physically healthier, I was able to get out of it. I consider myself very fortunate that I didn’t have to get extensively treated. This isn’t a flex - treatment is absolutely necessary for some and very important. I should’ve gotten more help than I did. I should not have risked going without.
This song is ultimately about recognizing the need for help, admitting that you don’t like yourself at times, and figuring out what parts of yourself need to change in order to move forward. Sometimes you have to eliminate the habits / tendencies in yourself that are leading to your self-hate. Loving yourself isn’t always easy, and you have to work at it.
Always keep moving, no matter what. That may take you being carried on the backs of others, but you have to keep going.
Always make it to 2:00 AM.